✄ Ending a Partnership

Writing Home · Nov 10, 2021

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Every good and bad roleplay must come to an end, be it early on or far down the passage of time.
It's never easy, especially when the reason for the end is less than ideal for one or both sides.
However, there is a proper and improper way to end a partnership no matter the stage.

Here at Writing Home, we do not promote or condone 'ghosting' or 'ditching', which we will explain in this section.
To help ease users who may be uncomfortable or unfamiliar with properly ending a roleplay, we created this thread.

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What Not to do when Ending a Partnership

Avoid Ghosting

'Ghosting' is described as dropping or disappearing from a roleplay or discussion of a roleplay while completely ignoring the person you had been in contact with. Some people even go as far as to block their partner just to avoid the discomfort of confrontation. This leaves the partner who has been 'ghosted' confused and upset due to having no idea why the partner chose to abandon them as if they never existed.

To be blunt, Writing Home sees this as immature and a coward's way. Ghosting is highly frowned upon.
We understand that users may have anxiety and other issues, but no one likes being abandoned.
It's always better to communicate with your partner than it is to ghost them, which we'll discuss the correct way to do further down in this thread.

Just remember that unless your partner has done something against Writing Home rules or has become blatantly disrespectful with something they've said, there's no reason to ghost someone.

Avoid Blaming

Yes, your partner may be be at fault, or you may assume the are at fault.

Often, emotions can cause us to not see the situation clearly. We fail to see what's really happening. For instance, maybe you are upset because your partner has slowly been taking over the roleplay and driving it in a direction you don't like. It's annoying, isn't it? You want to quit now because you're no longer enjoying the story, but did you know that it could have likely been avoided had you, when it first started bugging you, contacted your partner to calmly let them know?

In the end, how you feel in the moment will guide you. If you have decided to quit, whether it's truly their fault or not, there are correct and incorrect ways.

For example, let's say that a partner broke a kink rule you had made abundantly clear.

Instead of saying; "I F**KING TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT! WHY ARE YOU SO F**KING STUPID? I'M DONE!", you could instead write to them; "Due to you breaking what we discussed as a very solid boundary for me, I no longer feel comfortable in this roleplay and will be quitting."

Both get the point across, but only one is an explanation, while the other is an attack. We want to avoid attacking to avoid fighting. Being too aggressive toward your partner when upset could lead to them reporting you and you getting in trouble for being unable to keep your cool and being impolite.

If you're at a point where you want to explode on your partner, simply explain to them that you no longer wish to roleplay and be done with it, but don't just abandon them. Let them know why. Remember, people learn only when they are told/shown what they did. Without knowing, they cannot improve.

The Best and Easiest ways to End a Partnership

There are many scenarios in which you will have to stop a roleplay or partnership.
We're going to go over a number of situations and what you can say.
We will admit, some may be a little passive aggressive but warranted.

Early on: Prior to Roleplay

Example #1: You're contacted for roleplay when you don't even have a search thread and aren't actively looking. This 'stranger request' makes you uncomfortable.

Instead of ignoring them, help them learn.
Say: "Hey, thanks for your interest. However, I am not looking for roleplays right now/don't currently have a request thread up and don't want to roleplay at this time. Also, just so you know, it's actually against the site rules to message people who don't have active threads up to roleplay. You may want to take a look at the spam rules so you don't get in trouble with a mod."

This is both informative and polite. You come off as a nice person and are actively trying to keep them out of trouble by reminding them of the rules.

Example #2: Someone contacts you through your thread and tries to market their own roleplay or heavily adjust yours despite you being very clear about what you're looking for in your thread.

Instead of ignoring them or being rude to them, consider say: "Hey, thanks for your interest. Unfortunately, I don't think we're looking for the same thing. What's on my thread is what I'm interested in and I'm not interested in what you're suggesting. So, if you're not interested in what my thread has, I'm going to have to decline your offer. Good luck in your search."

Polite yet blunt.

Example #3: (Courtesy of UndeadEyes) If you have a thread with numerous plots and pairings and someone messages you stating "None of your plots/pairings interested me. Here, look at mine." you can say:

"If not a single one of my (however many) plots interest you, you either didn't read them all due to wanting to push your own plot or you and I simply are not meant to roleplay together because we clearly are not interested in the same thing."

This may not be the politest answer, but sometimes we need to be blunt without being cruel.

Early on: At the Start of Roleplay

Example #1: You and your partner have settled on the nitty gritty and are ready to start. You send out your post and they send theirs in return. You realize then that either their style or literacy level is not up-to-par with your own.

Instead of ghosting, try saying this: Hey, I hate to do this, but I don't feel our writing style/literacy levels match. There's nothing wrong with how you write, but we aren't compatible. I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to quit this roleplay before it takes off. Good luck in your searches!"

It lets them know why you're leaving. Once you've said that, you're not required to say anything if they message you back. You have done your part to actively avoid ghosting/ditching someone and that is what's important. Remember, you can be polite while turning someone down.

Example #2: Early on in the roleplay, your partner does something that's not okay, such as controlling your character's actions or speech.

The best thing you can do is calmly message them and let them know that it's not appropriate for them to do them. You could even send them to the Rules of Roleplaying forum where it explains why it's a fundamental rule of roleplaying and not acceptable.

If politely explaining this to them fails (they becoming aggressive in turn or continue to do it), you can say something along the lines of: "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable continuing this roleplay when I am not given full control over my own character. For that reason, I will be leaving this roleplay."

(Courtest of UndeadEyes and her 20+ years of roleplaying experience) If you want to be a little petty, you can also say: "Since you're clearly capable of playing both characters on your own, it's become clear that I am no longer needed, so I'll be leaving this roleplay."

We don't suggest it taking the petty route, but we do understand why you might.

Later On: Midway into Roleplaying

If you're already a good few posts into your roleplay and things have been going decently well but you're starting to see concerning issues, such as a partner not posting enough, changing the story too much, etc., you have the right to speak up. We always suggest discussing the issues first as they can often be fixed with simple communication.

However, if you've decided you want to end the roleplay and nothing will change that, consider saying: "Hey, I'm sorry to say but I've lost interest in this roleplay. It's been fun though and I'm thankful for your time. I hope you can find another partner quickly."

You don't need to explain why. Just be polite in how you say goodbye. If you want to explain to them the issue, you can, but it's not required. In the end, you did the right thing by letting them know your intentions to leave the roleplay and that's what matters.

OPEN COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Why Communication is important

Now that we've discussed how to end a roleplay that isn't going the way you'd prefer, let's discuss how to save one so that you don't have to end it.

One thing that is heavily lacking in roleplay is open communication between partners. One or both partners may be too scared of conflict to voice a concern so it's easier to just leave. They believe their partner will explode in anger because they ask for a change due to a past experience, when, in reality, most partners are mature enough to listen and discuss the issue.

Here are some real examples of communication:

*Player One, who is frustrated, contacts Player Two about how they aren't enjoying the roleplay anymore because they feel like they aren't able to control anything.
Player Two, in turn, apologizes and said they had a feeling something was wrong but because Player One never voice it earlier, they couldn't make changes soon enough and now it felt too late to fix it. They even state they (Player Two) should have reached out when they first felt something was off.
This calms Player One and they apologize, realizing they should have spoken up earlier instead of waiting until they exploded.
They apologize to one another and politely go their separate ways, realizing the roleplay could have been saved had they spoken up sooner.

*Player One tries to end the roleplay suddenly because they don't like the direction Player Two is taking the roleplay.
Player Two asks them to wait and discuss the issue to see if it can be fixed.
Player One, realizing Player Two is reasonable, explains the issue and, through that discussion, comes to find that they (Player One) misunderstood a character trait and it had been causing them internal strife making the roleplay less enjoyable for them, which led to them becoming frustrated.
Now with this knowledge, they are able to rewind and continue the roleplay.

There are so many ways to communicate an issue in a calm manner.

Is someone playing a character that's too strong for the roleplay to feel realistic?
"I love your character, but I'm worried they may be too strong for what we were planning for this plot. Can we discuss this?"

What if your partner is guiding the roleplay too much and you're feeling like you cannot contribute?
"Hey, I noticed you're really guiding where this roleplay is going and I was hoping maybe we could take it in this direction. Would you be okay with me taking control for a little bit to guide the roleplay?"

Maybe you feel someone's character is too cold and distant, making it harder for your characters to interact?
"Hey, I know your character is meant to be socially distant, but I'm worried I'm not getting enough from them to interact with them at all. Is there anything we can do to fix this while not completely destroying the character?"

It takes only a quick message to open communication and this can save so many roleplays from dying. Many partners are just oblivious or they think something completely opposite of what is causing you to become annoyed by them. Most don't want to hurt you and they want the roleplays to continue. It's always worth reaching out to discuss an issue before giving up on the partner.

It is worth it.

Remember, communication and confrontation are not the same thing.
If you go in calmly and politely, your partner is likely to respond the same way.
If they freak out or begin blaming you, know that's not on you.
You tried to be mature and talk like an adult.
If they cannot do the same, you are now free to bow-out.
If your partner is unwilling to communicate, they probably aren't the right partner for you.

As UndeadEyes likes to say; "Maturity is definitely a compatibility factor in roleplay. Two mature people who can communicate will have a higher chance of a successful roleplay compared to a roleplay with one or two people too immature to discuss arising problems."

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