Perspective: Misha
Collapsing on the bed, I found myself in a mirage of weightless floating. Like that night I had spent in the mountains, laying beneath the stars and staring up at something so....much more infinite than myself. Lost in the expanse of the milky way, wondering if aliens could be real, what it would be like to meet them. If…ancient astronaut theory had any merit to it. I know stars are technically balls of hydrogen and helium, and their light travels unfathomable distances to reach us on our silly, lonely little planet. Some of them are dead stars and their light is an echoing memory of their existence. We have this perspective that we are timeless, but not even the stars endure against time.
While I am laying on my bed in Los Angeles, dreaming of wild hills and coyotes, chasing unicorns, and imagining that something is real beyond the extent of what we see, or how we know the world. Physics proves this consistently, but I am neither a scientist nor an expert on the unseen. I am just an actor with many trades and talents. I am a wanderer who yearns for experience, to see what there is to see beyond my comfortable world.
Reaching for my book, I open it - with the best intentions - but find it’s more comfortable to place over my face. Arms falling open, I just laid there as a testament to exhaustion while inhaling the unique mixture of chemicals and processed cellulose fiber. Reminding me of what it's like to walk through a library or bookstore. To be honest, one of my favorite scents, two of my favorite places to visit. So unique, so at times…indescribable. I am quite a nerd at heart. A man who hungers for knowledge and intellectual challenge as well as…well, other desires. The soft pages press against my scruff skin like a dry blanket. Again, inhaling. Exhaling. Listening to the sound of the paper moving against my lips and the air escaping them. Blocking light from the ceiling, inducing this temptation to fall asleep.
Soft, still, a moment of mindfulness and silence so rare in my life. It’s important to seize these moments and surrender into them. I have always been one of those people too keen on work. Addicted to doing. In fact, in retrospect, I have been more rigid in my work ethic than anything else, sometimes to the loss…or expense of what matters. I have an addiction to being busy and it’s probably as terrible as being addicted to anything else. However, I am training myself. At least, I am trying to. The jury isn’t in on it yet, but…I do appreciate any moment I have that takes the load off my shoulders. I often feel like I need to save the world. And I recognize I’m just one man with a simple intention and complex nature.
Releasing a deep contented sigh, nose in the center of the book, my body melted into the mattress. Supported and suspended, drifting and floating. As relaxed as I am, I know…I know I won’t be sleeping much tonight. I know I will likely be spending time with my other lovers; the moon, the stars, dark shadows. Because as much as I am young morning sun, I am also smitten with the night and all her nuances. Daylight can tell you anything. But under the moon is when you enter this…this inward space that is less familiar, less comfortable. And yet, you recognize the importance of unlocking the door and walking into the dark.